Do good wherever you can!

A short course of toxicity for beginners and experienced leaders

1. Steal time as King

Always remember all the time around you - yours. You should be listened to, you have to work for you, you need to gather colleagues for three-hour brainstorms, but speak them only yourself. And if you want to tell how you spent the past weekend, do not hold back, lay out all the details about yourself, children, friends, and even animals.

But that's not enough - skill comes when you start running temporary swings. Let your colleagues go at 8 p.m. with the words that the work is not a wolf and everyone should have a personal life, but at 21:30 write in a chat that necessarily in the morning should be dug a small slide with the lawn around. And before midnight, throwback memories of how you effectively planted lawns when you had a really good team.

2. Criticize everything and everyone

There is no one cooler and more efficient than you. And subordinates should know their place. Everything that does not work, happens solely due to incompetence, stupidity, rigidity, slant, and inability to think strategically these people recruited by the announcement. If something happened by accident, it is only because you intervened in time and at night dropped off the entire lawn personally and on secret technology.

Naturally, the most correct way to correct the situation is too harsh and irreconcilable criticism of everything your team does, from ideas to execution. It also effectively helps to compare these "your people" with normal guys from Sber, Tinkoff, Yandex, and so on.

3. Cause goodness wherever you can

You do people always and only well. This person just seems that he needs rest, vacation, and a bonus, but you know better: you need to increase the load and cut off food! What doesn't kill it won't kill, it will make you stronger. Of course, these ungrateful pigs don't see your relentless care, but it's for the time being. Sincerely, many and often do good in their own way - and sooner or later will see even the most ungrateful people.

4. Behave like the prima of this theater

What does it mean to "overplay"? Only strong emotions, only hardcore: loud, with a tear, with tears, with a mat - the only way to convey to these faint-hearted slackers the depth of your depths.

Roll your eyes when you are being asked to take time off; Smash a brand new iPhone against the wall when asked to agree to stay in a hostel on a business trip; generously splash in the brazen petitioner indexing the salary of not yet cooled coffee. If you go into the story, then the broad gestures of a real star, not afraid of conventions.

5. Divide and conquer

By any means avoid the cohesion of the team - it's all bourgeois fiction and revolutionary element. Among our winters, they will immediately rally against you for sabotage. You should pursue aggressive competition: admire one of the employees in the presence of others, and then call to his office part of the staff and tell them that your faith in the other part of the team is lost and you should think that it is time to rotate and look at the market. Encourage any, even dirty methods of competition for your attention and the opportunity to drink tea (drink, of course, only you) and discuss what is happening in their colleagues.

Also, be the center of all communication: make sure that all information flows go only through you. Give the information dosed, individually - no general mailings, meetings. The fewer people know, the faster they will resort to you for refinements.

Be sure to choose a few pets from among the most easily controlled and prone to the petty scheme - that there was someone to reward before the system for non-involvement and to bestow favors on the envy of the working people.

6. Get on with everything

The deadlines - not the quality, good quality - have been broken. This simple rule will allow you to keep employees on the right tinge. Nothing paints an employee more than a slight sense of guilt in front of a supervisor - it is the best prevention of whining about increasing wages. Often remind that if you entrusted the project to the employee - it is also his fault, and therefore all the consequences only on it. "Please, just him, not me" is the right mood to be cherished in the team.

7. The KKK Rule, or Circumstances, will justify all

A good manager is always to blame (to choose or all together) team, competitors, Kovid (KKK rule). And the fact that during the failed project you managed to go on vacation to the Maldives, the only one receiving an annual bonus - so it was planned a year ago and in general a family tradition, which is 15 years old. Or are you guys against traditional values?

8. Sympathy for wimps

Pity generally humiliates, and you do not want to humiliate your employees. All these new-fashioned empathies are the invention of wimps to be even weaker. If you had the strength to pick up the phone to call an ambulance, why aren't you in the office yet?

Is your mother sick? Problems in the family? Tired? Are you burning it out? Emotional intelligence was invented where the climate is milder. It is important for us that the ax is always sharpened and the stake is sharpened.

9. The guilty head is whipped by the sword

If employees tell you about an error, they should not be punished? Stupid stereotype! On the contrary, it should be done twice as harshly: the inevitability and severity of punishment is the best prevention of the discipline of labor. And the Chinese (or was it Stalin? Everyone should see that you are a strict leader and you will not be spoiled.

10. You can, all of you, not

Come to work at 10 with pennies and leave at 16:00, not forgetting about lunch. Distance yourself from the team at any moment you need, from putting the project down to "throwing away your birthday." Take away the total bonus yourself. Go on vacation whenever you want, without notice. Always remember that your status is exceptional. Jupiter never dreamed that you are allowed to rightfully a strong leader.

The economy must be thrifty

You, as a prudent leader, simply have to "cut the bones", otherwise "your people" will squander everything and drag it out. All these costs for training and development of the team, bonus, additional motivation in the form of insurance, food, paid rest - a real robbery in broad daylight. Cut it with the ruthlessness of a military surgeon. We're at war, it's not about the least. Unless your corporate Mercedes with the driver should be left. It is unlikely that you will need children to take the children to school or his wife to the salon. I'm going to have a C-section.

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